Packet of 9 for the weekend?

When I told my wife last year that I was thinking about growing artichokes, she was originally very pleased with me. It took 10-15 minutes of confused conversation before we realised that we were talking about two different vegetables with the same name.

Artichoke

Artichoke

They aren't related, they don't taste the same, they don't come from the same part of the world, they don't grow in the same way, they aren't even the same part of the plant! The fact that they are both named as artichoke is because the Westerner who "discovered" jerusalem artichokes for the first time had a clear problem with his tastebuds and thought it tasted like globe artichokes. No-one else has ever agreed with this man.

Since my wife is a terrible influence on me, I decided that I'd try and grow a globe artichoke as well. It's not exactly a practical vegetable, but it seemed quite fun and my wife forced me to do it. I was told that they were well nigh impossible to grow from seed and, being of a contrary mind, I decided that I was going to try and beat the odds. Ten seeds sown resulted in one viable seedling, which flourished in the late sunshine last year and built up enough size to survive the winter freezes intact, before reacting to the spring sunshine with a sudden and abrupt death.

This was rather upsetting for a couple of reasons - I was obviously expecting a first and very satisfying crop this year, and secondly, I had already underplanted my expected artichoke plant with a third, also completely unrelated, vegetable called an artichoke.

Artichoke

The globe artichoke plant is big and leafy and requires a lot of space, but it grows mostly up, leaving a lot of ground space uncovered. It's perfect to plant chinese artichokes under the shade of the leaves, as the tubers will grow in the space just above the globe artichoke's roots. However, if you've planted the chinese artichokes and then the globe artichoke ups and dies on you, then you'll just end up with the chinese artichokes taking over the entire bed and leaving no room for any future globe artichoke plantings.

Since I didn't have time to try growing another globe from seed, I decided to go to the local garden centre to buy a ready-grown young plant. My only option was this:

There are nine plants in there. Nine! A globe artichoke plant needs a bare minimum of 0.5m2 growing space and they prefer having 1m2! Who needs *nine*!?

To make this even better, they were squeezed in so tightly that the roots were all intermingled, meaning that it was impossible to remove one without seriously damaging another. I managed to separate out five plants and pot them up without too much damage and have just composted the other four. I think I would've actually just paid the same price for a pot that contained one undamaged plant as I just have for nine plants that have spent the last few weeks trying to destroy each other for precious soil-space.

Anyway, I now own five slightly damaged globe artichokes and I'm just praying that one of them will survive for long enough to be planted in my double-artichoke bed.

From the sublime to the ridiculous, I thought I'd also show you the results of my sweetcorn growing:

I'll give you a hint at what the problem is - there's sixteen seed-tray slots and only two seedlings.

This is a major problem because of the way sweetcorn works - you have to grow lots of them in close proximity to each other so that they can pollinate each other. Two is not enough. Plus I can't just go and buy seedlings from the garden centre, as these are a special variety that produces red sweetcorn and if I mix standard yellow sweetcorn in with them, then they'll cross-pollinate and I'll get something nowhere near as cool that might not taste very nice.

I'm torn between buying new seeds and giving these ones more time to germinate. If I give these more time, then I might lose my opportunity to plant new seeds in time for them to catch up (and grow big enough to be part of this year's Three Sisters) and I could end up with no sweetcorn at all, red or otherwise. On the other hand, buying more seeds is pretty much a guarantee to Murphy's law that all of them will grow and I will end up with more sweetcorn seedlings than I know what to do with.

Thoughts from the balcony? Plus anyone want to take globe artichokes off my hands?

PJW

Weird and wonderful vegetables

One of the aims of the gardening this year is to grow new things and in that vein, I spent yesterday planting out some sea-kale seedlings.

Sea kale is interesting, because it's one of very few vegetables that are actually native to the UK, rather than being imported from another country, yet it's actually on the verge of extinction in the wild for the crime of being too tasty. It used to grow quite freely on British shingle beaches, but the Victorians ate so much of it that it nearly died out and only the fact that it was made illegal to harvest it in the wild has let it recover.

Naturally, cool + rare + too tasty to be allowed to survive = a vegetable that I'm interested in. Although one of the risks of growing odd stuff is that tasty is a very variable concept. These are described as "creamy", "maritime" and "kind of like asparagus" (which is spectacularly unhelpful as I don't know what asparagus tastes like either!) as well as belonging to the brassica family so having some taste relation to cabbage, kale, broccoli, etc. There is the very real risk that I might put a lot of effort into growing something that it turns out I absolutely can't stand. However my last gamble on jerusalem artichokes worked out very well (which I must write up as a blog post, now that I think about it), so what the hell - sea kale it is.

I actually bought a first lot of seedlings before the winter, planted them up and was very annoyed when they died off in the first cold snap, despite having fleece jackets over them. I had bought from an online nursery that I'd never used before (as rare plants are unsurprisingly hard to get hold of from regular suppliers) and was pleasantly surprised when my complaint yielded the immediate offer to replace them when they had new seedlings in the spring.

When the replacements arrived, I took the fleece jackets off what I'd thought were the dead seedlings, only to discover that they hadn't actually died, but just died back. They had in fact bounced right back with the spring.

In my defence, every other perpetual plant behaves in exactly the same way, so how was I to know?!

I feel kinda bad about the nursery sending the replacements now, so if anyone does want any seedlings, please consider Victoriana Nurseries, who do some very interesting things like perpetual cauliflowers, samphire and giant onions.

The actual growing and harvesting of sea kale is enjoyably odd too. You grow them like rhubarb - while plants like light (expert!), these are more tender when deprived of it, as they form slender white stalks while applying the up == light formula that we're all so keen on. Therefore, I have rewarded my seedlings for surviving the winter by putting a bucket on their head.

Allegedly, that should result in this:

Lifted from https://etaiyy.wordpress.com/2012/03/25/sea-kale/

Although I don't expect to see very much in the first year. As appears to be traditional at the end of every damn blog I write at the moment, I have seedlings going spare if anyone wants to join me in odd creamy salty leafy thing that you grow like rhubarb, I can provide the goods. Although this time it's only partly due to the garden centre only selling in bulk and partly because I've accidentally defrauded them. Someone take some off my hands to help me feel less guilty?

The other new thing I'm growing at the moment is oca, otherwise known as New Zealand yams, although no-one really knows why - they're not from New Zealand (although they are popular there) and they're not yams. They're a tuber from Peru which somehow failed to take off in Europe despite coming back across at the same time as the potato.

Not my hand - lifted from http://thriftyliving.net/2008/11/20/the-mystery-veg-revealed-mystery-veg-2/

They have advantages of being much more resistant to disease, not being damaged by exposure to sunlight (in fact, they taste better if left in sunlight for a few days after harvesting), not requiring peeling and being ready to harvest late-November through December when potatoes are hard to come by. The production of tubers is actually ignited by the plants being able to sense nights being longer than days and is accelerated by the first frosts.

The taste of them varies depending on how they're prepared - straight out of the ground and raw, they are sharp, sour and tangy, but leave them in the sun for a few days and the acid starts to convert to sugar and they can be steamed or roasted like a potato or other root. Plus you can use the leaves as salad greens. As mentioned before, I don't eat many salads, but I might be tempted to try one for these.

I planted out the tubers into pots last month and I'm already getting signs of life.

Trying hard not to make the "not Swift" joke again. We already have the running joke of FuckCarrots and that one's not funny in itself!

Unlike everything else that I have bought, oca tubers are available in sensible quantities and no-one can have any! Although if these are a rousing success, then I will undoubtedly keep back some tubers to replant - the growing process is very much like that of potatoes in that you grow oca plants from planting uneaten oca tubers.

One of the major advantages of oca is that they grow massive bushy green tops, but are generally non-competitive with other plants, which makes them excellent ground-cover crops for tall plants like beans and tomatoes. I'm giving serious thought to including them as a fourth sister for my Three Sisters bed, although I'll probably leave that for another year. I should probably try to achieve actual success with the basic Three Sisters before starting to screw about with it!

As it stands, I have my tomato beds laid out for the oca to be planted into, including this masterpiece which I'm quite proud of:

This bed will be combining quite a few theories together. The red bit is plastic mulch, which has the dual effect of stopping weeds and reflecting red light at the tomatoes. The science says that tomatoes recognise red light as a sign of competition which kicks them into higher gear. The white bits are bits of PVC pipe that watering can occur through, so that the water is going down to the roots rather than sitting on the surface. The dirt is especially mixed to be right for tomatoes and in the middle (where there's no x marking the spot yet) is going to sit an oca, which is a natural anti-fungal and will help support the tomatoes.

So yes, loads of science going into this particular tub of vegetables. The actual tub itself looks kinda familiar, doesn't it, especially in the context of putting a lot of science and effort into a particular vegetable with a foolproof plan for better results. I wonder why that is...

Oh dear.

PJW

Growing garden and shitting cats

My wife is terrible at being a restraining influence. Not only did she let me know that she'd never tried rhubarb before:

She also insisted, insisted I tell you, that I buy a gooseberry bush:

I believe her exact turn of phrase was, "You can if you want to." That villain!

And then compounded it by letting me cook her an experimental recipe with aubergine and deeming it "quite nice"!

I can't take any responsibility for this, really I can't. She's practically forced me.

In news which isn't about my rapidly expanding garden portfolio, I've finished setting up the nets for the brassica and we're now just awaiting the seedlings being large enough to transplant outside. I don't think it'll happen this weekend, as the weather's still filthy, but I'll work on gradually acclimating them to outside weather across the next fortnight and plant them out on the weekend of the 5th.

Pest control's becoming a big thing at the moment - I'm now set up to keep the caterpillars away from my brassica, but the new challenge is trying to persuade next door's cats that my nicely dug beds are not their new toilet, in particular my bed of onion sets which don't take kindly being dug up, shat upon and then reburied upside down. So far they've ignored pepper and citrus, were entirely unbothered by lion dung, and were gently amused by the motion detecting robot that was supposed to scare them away with ultrasonics. The only thing that's made even the slightest bit of difference is a commercial product Catapult which a) costs a bit, b) requires reapplication with the slightest bit of rain, c) is a sod to apply as it's a squirty bottle that just coats me if the wind catches it, which leads us onto d) it smells so terrible that it drives me out of the garden, let alone the cats.

Plan B is to cover the bed in netting, but that'll be a pain in the arse cause it's an awkward shape and me and netting don't get on at the best of times. It generally ends up with a tangled mess that sort of covers the bed, detaches in the wind within 5 minutes and trips me up the next time I go down that end of the garden. When I finally get around to reattaching the netting, I get it so firmly secured that I then can't move it in order to get to the crops myself. There's a reason I've gone for expensive prefab cages for the square beds!

Anyone got any suggestions for deterring cats? Please, no suggestions involving shotguns - I'm close enough to the edge that I might consider them.

PJW